Laziness
A fox is curled up asleep in the grass.
Hello! My name is Ellie, and I am a neurodiverse therapist. In this blog, I'll be writing about the concept of “laziness” and how it is used as a tool of shame, stigma, and oppression to neurodiverse people.
In 1999, Dr. Gabor Mate published his first edition of Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder. Being 9 at the time, I wouldn't be able to say much about the impact this book had on ADH(D), its diagnosis, understanding, or on the neurodiverse struggle as a whole. However, when I read this book two years ago there is a particular quote that since sat with me:
“When we consider the word lazy, we realize that it does not explain anything. It is only a negative judgment made about another person who is unwilling to do what we want them to do”.
This is page 180, chapter 19, where Dr. Gabor Mate is exploring the impact of ADH(D) on children and the myths that are often prescribed to them often that they are lazy, manipulative, etc.
I say this quote sat with me, but let me be super clear-this quote wrecked me. I remember texting my wife in tears, feeling combinations of anger, validation, and hurt at the same time. Reading this book was a big step in my journey of self-discovery and in doing so it opened up something I couldn't put into words yet. The word “lazy” as a descriptor was deeply connected to how I understood myself. It had undertones of incompetent, incapable, unproductive (we will get to this in a second, promise), and shame. It was a word I would hear growing up when I did not do a chore, when I struggled to succeed at school, when I called in sick for work, and when I was unable to participate in the world around me.
So let's take some time together to scrutinize the idea of laziness, how it is deeply rooted in capitalist conditioning regarding being productive or unproductive, valuable or disposable, and to remind ourselves that we are not broken, systems are.
When I think of the word lazy, I often am brought to a space where it is used in public discourse. As a therapist, I've been honored to work with people across all areas of life who are using all the resilience they can to survive the oppressive systems we put them under. Welfare (Ontario Works, Ontario Disability Support Program, aka ODSP) are two systems in particular where the idea of “lazy” pokes its stigmatizing lens. Ideas that people on welfare programs are “lazy”, demotivated, uninterested in working are so ingrained that they get expressed without much second thought.
What's missing from these conversations though is an understanding that in capitalist systems, people are pushed to survive for basic necessities of life (food, housing, water, community). These core pieces we need to live are gate kept behind income, productivity. I mean think about it-grocery stores are an exclusive club. Either you have income to buy food (which we all need), or you don't. And if you don't have income, then you are often the one blamed, instead of the system which is causing you to starve.
When people struggle to participate in gate kept systems of productivity, it's much easier to take a look at the individual and stigmatize them with this concept of “lazy” than to take a look at our systems and ask “why is this not working for people''. When the value of a person is deeply connected in our society towards how productive they are, it's no wonder shame starts to show up when people struggle. This connection puts a pressure on how we value ourselves through a not so subtle and insidious message: “You are not welcome here, you are not capable enough to care for yourself, to thrive”.
I could go on and on and on about other systems under capitalism that force you to reconcile as either “productive” or “unproductive”, but that will have to wait for another day. The core thing to keep in mind here is when our system of living forces you to survive (or not) through being productive, individuals are often scapegoated as being broken instead of the system being broken itself.
Shifting to the neurodiverse experience, I've been able to connect as a therapist and as a friend, family member, partner, with how neurodiverse folx are bombarded by this idea of “lazy”. Unable to succeed in school? Lazy. Unable to hold a full time job? Lazy. Needing accommodations? Lazy, unmotivated. Experiencing other difficulties because our systems are not built with neurodiverse thinking in mind? Lazy, unproductive. Whether it's capitalist systems telling us we are lazy, or it's family, friends, schools, or workplaces, neurodiverse people often have to navigate this idea that they are lazy. Over time, it becomes harder and harder to look at the bigger picture here-how our systems are not designed to support neurodiverse thinking, our creativity, our uniqueness. Instead, we start to blame ourselves. We can start to believe we are broken, we deserve what we are getting, and that shame can send us to some really dark places.
I want to end with a reminder to all the people who read this. Whether you are another therapist supporting neurodiverse people, a neurodiverse person yourself, or a family member/friend with neurodiverse people in your life, know this. Neurodiverse people are not broken. They are not inherently “lazy”, unmotivated. Our value as people is not determined by how much we can produce. Neurodiverse people are valuable because they are people. They have needs, rights, wants, hopes, aspirations. They are creative, unique, and their lack of “fitting in” with the systems at hand are not indicative of failure. You are not broken. You deserve to be loved, to be supported, and to be validated. Life is hard, and there are lots of complicated reasons for why. But neurodiverse people are not lazy.
And hey, if you want to connect in a space where you can be validated, where we can make room to be curious about stigma, shame, capitalism, and the impact it has on us as neurodiverse people, reach out-we are here to support you.
Ellie Comeau [she/her]
MSW, RSW
I'm a trans-identified, neurodivergent/ADHD, gamer, and I understand what it feels like to have your Queerness not seen and validated by others. I look forward to helping create a space for you where you are seen and validated!
